A good day...

Yesterday Pastor Jim and Terri were not at church (which was yucky) but then the guest pastor gave the most amazing message, I was in tears. He told us how he had headed up a ministry some years ago dealing with under-privileged kids and one night he was refereeing a basketball game with some of the kids. A very big young black guy came in and started causing a lot of trouble, and when the pastor went outside to try and talk with him about it, the kid pulled a gun on him, held it to his chest, and was about to shoot him before some of the other kids were able to wrestle the gun away from him. He went to a juvenile detention center for several months and later the pastor saw him at some sort of a youth job fair (or something like that...). He wanted to talk to him, and when he got the chance this young man who had been so belligerent and so disrespectful just started pouring out his heart about how he was so sorry for what he had done. And then, even more amazing, he fell to his knees and prayed and got saved right there! The pastor said that a couple years later he ran into him, wearing a suit and tie, and he was in college. He had completely turned his life around. That just meant so much to me because that is what I dream of doing when I graduate--just making some small sort of a difference in the lives of kids who don't really have any hope. That's why I chose juvenile justice as my major, but so many people have told me it's hopeless, that those kids are just too "far gone" or whatever to be helped. I don't believe so, and it was just good to hear a story that confirms my beliefs! I think I'll really be bringing some valuable assets with me because of my experience as a "bad kid," and most importantly my faith. I know I'll be praying for those kids every night, and I really believe that will make a difference. I also know it won't be easy, but nothing that's worth it ever is.
Well anyway, that was just enough to put me in a really good mood all day. I had to drive out to Hiram to pick up Kim, and the scenery along the way was so beautiful. I almost wanted to stop the car and just go out walking through someone's corn field or something! (It's probably a good thing I didn't...) Whenever I'm outside it just really helps me feel closer to God. I mean, nature is His creation--not buildings, cars, or all those other things people make (although I realize none of that would be possible without God either, of course) and so many times when I'm outside I find myself praying...not all formal like in church, but really just talking to Him, having a conversation with Him. And in doing that yesterday, I felt just a little bit of healing. I'm not really sure why. Looking at fall foliage and horses & cows had absolutely nothing to do with the baby, but I guess I just started to realize that a God who created so much beauty and goodness couldn't possibly be "mean" or make mistakes. Those are things I knew before too but sometimes I need to be reminded of stuff.
Ed is really hoping that I'm pregnant again already because he wants a baby so much and he thinks it would be good for us. I'm really not sure. I want a baby too, but I don't want to seem like we're "replacing" the one we lost. Like when TJ's bird died and we ran out the next weekend and got her a new one. I don't know how long I am going to feel like this though, and I know we can't wait forever. I can't imagine myself ever "getting over" losing this baby. I suppose I do feel better now though than I did when it first happened--and it's been almost two months now. It doesn't seem like that long. Anyway, I have just put it in God's hands. When He wants to bless us with a baby it will happen, and who am I to argue with that?! Meanwhile I will learn to be content with what I have. I am terrible at remembering exact chapters and verses of the Bible (something I've been trying to work on for a while!) but I know that somewhere in the New Testament it talks about learning to be content whatever your place in life. I think that's a really important verse. I think back to when I was little and we were so poor, but I was almost always happy. I didn't even realize all the things we went without until I was older. I think that's because kids are content with their lives as long as they're loved. Then when we become adults we set up all these plans and get disappointed when they don't work out right. We really do need to learn to be contented and that is what I'm trying to do.