When it all falls apart, God's still there

Today was probably one of the worst days in me and Ed's marriage. He's put his hands on me before, but never in front of the kids, and never has me made feel so frustrated and angry and helpless all at the same time. I know that he's so frustrated right now because our finances are just a mess and we have absolutely no idea how we're going to pay our bills, but taking it out on the kids and me was just not fair. He was mean to T.J. and basically just stalked through the house all morning looking for things to yell about. Then when he shoved me up against the wall and I heard Erin start to cry I just didn't know what to do. As a mother I thought, oh my goodness, I have to leave him, I can't have my girls seeing this or they'll grow up to marry abusive men too. But as a Christian I was thinking, I have to stay with him, to pray for him, and set an example to my kids that love and marriage can endure. Plus, I know he's not a bad guy, he just loses his temper sometimes. So I just brushed it off and got the kids ready for church. But he kept yelling at me the whole way there. When we got there I called Lynda and asked if the girls and I could stay with them for a few days. Of course she said yes and asked where we were, and I said church (the girls were already in their classes and everything). When they got there Ed came walking out to the parking lot with Jeff, and said we needed to go for a walk and talk. I thought we got it all worked out. But then later, at the apple cider festival parade, he blew up again. T.J.'s legs were hurting and she didn't want to walk around. So I said she didn't have to, and I turned around to go back with her. But he grabbed me by the hair and started yelling again. A lot. And Tom tried to calm him down, but he told Tom all these lies about me babying TJ too much and letting her sit around and watch TV all day and that's why her legs are so weak. Tom came back over to where TJ and Lynda and I were sitting and asked me about all that. I think he believed Ed, and then I just felt hurt that Ed would lie about me like that, and embarrassed that now Tom thinks I'm a really crappy mom. And all the while I just kept thinking to myself, this is not Ed, he's not really like this, he's just under so much stress right now. He had gone walking off by himself, and I was so afraid he'd do something crazy and impulsive. I prayed for God's protection over him. And a little while later, Erin noticed him sitting off by himself. So God did protect him. And the $10 that I put in the gas tank miraculously got us almost a full tank of gas. So even in the midst of what was one of the worst days of my life I can see Him taking care of my family and me. I'm so thankful for that. Because if this had all happened before I was a believer, I'd probaby be getting drunk or high or something right now to try and forget my problems, instead of sitting here reflecting on all that happened and feeling thankful that through it all God was there. I told Ed that things always work out, we just need to have faith. And I know they will.