healing...in more ways than one
Yesterday I had like the worst headache ever and nothing to take for it and I got sooo sick. It was terrible! I couldn't leave school because both of my classes were important so I had to just stick it out and by the time I got home all I could do was trudge up the stairs and fall into bed. Ed bought some Excedrin migraine and I took it and slept a while and when I got up I felt a little better. The rotten thing is that I was supposed to go to a meeting at the church about the children's Christmas program and I missed it. I really felt awful then. Why does everything have to happen when I'm busy?! Like tonight, the girls have a dentist appointment and there is a board meeting, but we also need to go see Leah (and Lynda). So I have to miss the meeting, which I really hate to do, but what else can I do? God comes first and my family is second...everything else just has to fall in wherever. I've learned to prioritize, which is a good thing, but I still feel guilty when I can't be everywhere at once.
The other day I got a baby magazine in the mail. I had forgotten I'd even signed up for it (they sure took long enough to send it) back when I was still pregnant. I couldn't open it but I couldn't bring myself to throw it away either. I thought about how far along I'd be now, how I'd probably be starting to show and soon I'd be feeling the baby move. In a few more weeks we'd know if it was a boy or girl (maybe). I felt really sad, but it also made me realize that God is starting to help me to heal...very slowly. I used to feel sad every day and now I don't unless something reminds me--which still happens often, but not daily, so I guess that's progress, right?
The other day I got a baby magazine in the mail. I had forgotten I'd even signed up for it (they sure took long enough to send it) back when I was still pregnant. I couldn't open it but I couldn't bring myself to throw it away either. I thought about how far along I'd be now, how I'd probably be starting to show and soon I'd be feeling the baby move. In a few more weeks we'd know if it was a boy or girl (maybe). I felt really sad, but it also made me realize that God is starting to help me to heal...very slowly. I used to feel sad every day and now I don't unless something reminds me--which still happens often, but not daily, so I guess that's progress, right?
posted by Amy @ 1:09 PM
1 Comments:
At 5:59 PM,
Terri said…
Yes, Amy, that is definitely progress. And as you rely on the Lord, it will become less and less painful to even talk about. There will still be times, maybe even 5 or 10 years from now, when you will grieve again and stand in awe as you consider how old that child would be then and how different your life would be ... for good or bad, who knows? I lost Joshua 26 years ago and as I have become a grandma I have often thought of where his life would be right now: Would he be married? Would he have completed college? Would he be in the service ... Iraq? And the most scary question ... Would he be a Christian, saved by grace, or living a lost, sin-filled life? I would have "died" if one of my children rejected the Lord and I would not wish him back if that would have happened to him .. my sweet baby.
God is so good. He is in control and He will constantly carry you as you lean on Him. We will miss you so much tomorrow night at our Care Group and, according to Marc, on Sunday too for some reason that Ed told him. Is Ed making excuses to draw away from church and church events? It makes me so sad. We have Christmas program parts for your girls that we were going to give you Sunday. Should we give them to Lynda? Practices are Wednesday nights from 5:30 till 6:30 and the mandatory practice is on Saturday morning, December 17th, from 10:00-12:00. We were hoping you, Linda, and maybe Alicia Noebe (plus anyone else you wish to enlist) would organize a small Christmas party for the kids following the program practice? I mentioned it to Linda and Alicia said she was interested last week.
Love ya,
Terri
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