it's not easy being married

Things have been really edgy with Ed and I lately. We haven't actually argued but we've just been so short-tempered and annoyed with each other. I'm not really sure why, whether it's the stress of the holiday season, or being short on money and time, or what. I guess it's probably just everything. Of course a big part of it for me is his lack of interest in anything church-related. Or Christ related for that matter, it seems sometimes. I know that he's pretty upset with our church right now, with certain people he doesn't like, certain things he thinks are unfair. And while I can see his side of things--that it does seem like some people are not treated the same as others--I can also see the other side as well and there are so many wonderful people there who have become family to us. So I feel torn between my husband and my church family, which is a horrible situation to be in. And while the thought of leaving them to go somewhere else is terribly sad to me, if that's what it would take to get him back "in" church again (not just going because he feels obligated too, but actually involved) then that is what I'd be willing to do. I don't even know if that's what he wants though. We went to Morgandale a couple Sundays ago because he missed his friends there, but he didn't seem particularly drawn back there. We went to Warren First (Kathleen's church) yesterday to watch the children's program, and it seemed like a very nice church with some very nice people too, but Ed didn't seem too impressed with it either. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm the "spiritual leader" of my family, which is supposed to be Ed's job--and I'm not even all that well qualified for it! He was raised in church, by Christian parents--he knows how everything is supposed to be. I was raised in a home where church was forbidden, by very religiously-confused parents (I think that's the best way to describe them). There were Bibles in the home, but no one read them--at least not in front of us. We were told who Jesus was--God's son, but not what He was--our Savior. My dad's idea of Easter services was to play his "Jesus Christ Superstar" record for goodness sake! And while I've been saved since I was 18, I didn't really get involved in church until about four years ago, so much of this is still new to me. I want to raise my children in a good Christian home, but I feel like I'm doing it all alone, unsure of myself. And that not only makes me sad and a little nervous, it angers me. I fell in love and married a man who was a Christian, who used to take his Bible to church to read on lunch break, who studied his Sunday School lessons throughout the week, who went to Sunday morning and evening services, Wednesday services, and his aunt's Bible study, who used to tell me that I was second in his life only to God. Now he tells me I'm first, but I don't want to be! That's not the way things are supposed to be. I know I need to just pray and be patient. I know that's what I must do, but I have prayed for my dad for years and he's no closer to coming to church than I am to becoming a man. I know people who've prayed for the salvation of loved ones (or backslidden ones) for their whole lives. I don't want to be one of those warrior wives, struggling to maintain a Christian household against an un-Christian husband. That's not what I married. That's not what I want for my children. I feel so helpless.