Becoming content

I'm still unclear and confused about what the not-too-distant future holds for my family and I, but I feel a lot calmer about it now. Not really sure why...maybe it's because I did some grocery shopping this afternoon and having my cupboards and fridge full is comforting! Maybe it's because Ed talked to Ted (the landlord) this afternoon and he seemed willing to cooperate with getting the lead out of the house; although right now we're still waiting on the health department to contact us about inspecting the house. Most likely though it's because I have been praying quite a bit, and I truly do believe that God is going to work things out for the best. He has always looked out for my family and I and sheltered us from harm, and I know He will this time too. After all, I know it was God that prompted me to ask the doctor to do the lead screening--they weren't going to test Erin for it this time because they did the last time she was there. And as much as I hate to see my babies stuck with needles and cry, what made me tell the doctor to stick her again? I know what! It's all going to be okay.
I also had the realization this afternoon that in LESS than a year I will be done with school and working. College has been a very long, and not always easy, journey for me (and I had a couple little detours along the way) but I have almost reached the finish line. I am so thankful for that, that now I'll be able to get a good job and give my little girls the sort of life they deserve. I know it is my faith that has gotten me through this. When I look at the grim statistics for teenage mothers--that most of them drop out of school, end up on welfare, never marry, have kids with behavior and emotional problems--it makes me sad for those women and their children, but also very grateful that God had a different plan for my life. It reminds me of a song on a Gaither c.d. that Tom lent me...it was about seeing a poor homeless guy on the street with dirty clothes, looking so dejected, and that were it not for God's grace that "could be me".
Sometimes it's not easy to accept God's will at first. I learned that in a big way recently with my sadness over losing my baby and not being able to conceive again. I wanted a baby so badly, but it just wasn't the right time and God knew that--it was just me who was being stubborn. This problem that I went to the doctor about Monday could have been a lot worse than it was--just a hormone imbalance that the doctor prescribed birth control for. And I still don't know if I will ever be able to conceive again, if this will balance things out like the doctor thinks it will, or if as soon as I stop taking them to try and conceive my body will go haywire again. Only God knows if I will have another child or not, but I must learn to accept whatever happens and be content. Same with this situation now with the house. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." God is good all the time and all the time God is good.