f.r.o.g.

I got some quite shocking news the other day--my sister Kim is engaged and pregnant (I think in that order). It shouldn't be shocking for a smart, pretty 23 year-old to be engaged and pregnant, but Kim once swore that she would never have kids and stated that she didn't believe in marriage. Of course, Kim was also at one time a Christian, and I've been praying for a long time now that she'd come back. I miss our discussions of the Bible, I miss having a sister with the same beliefs as me. So even though she hasn't said anything about religion, I'm hoping the turn-around in her idea of marriage is a good sign. Last night my husband made me so proud. We were over at Tom and Lynda's for dinner and Ed was doing some painting in the kitchen. Lynda put on Gilmore Girls, a show that her, Kathleen, and I all like, but that I don't usually let the girls watch. It sometimes has some "mature" content. Nothing real awful, but like sometimes they talk about sex and stuff. Well last night's episode was one of those nights...and TJ and Karry were in the room. Two of the characters were talking about it, not just a mention but a whole scene of conversation about it. I felt so uncomfortable and I kept expecting Lynda to turn it off, or fast-forward through that scene (it had been DVR'ed), or something, but she didn't. I'm sitting there thinking, I should send TJ and Karry out of the room, but then I didn't want to cause a scene with Lynda. So in the end I wound up doing nothing. I felt so ashamed of myself, that I chose her comfort over my kids' well-being. I don't know why. But Ed spoke right up and said "Mom, the girls are in the room." When we got home, he and I went out on the porch and talked about what happened. He told me that when he and Kathleen were kids they would never have been permitted to watch a show like that (or at least that particular scene), and that he wants to be the kind of parent his parents were. Not putting up with questionable stuff on TV just because "everyone's watching it." It made me so glad to hear him talking like that, because the past few months I've really worried about him backsliding, afraid that eventually he would get to a point where he no longer cared if we went to church, or prayed before dinner, or monitored what the kids watch and listen to. So it was a very small step last night, but it gave me hope, and renewed my commitment to pray for him (not that I'd ever stop). Every day when I pray, I ask God to grant us wisdom as parents, to help us make the right choices about and for our children. I know that we'll make mistakes but I don't want to make mistakes when it comes to important stuff. I want my kids to know what our values are and hold tight to them no matter what the circumstances. Sometimes I question myself, wondering if I'm too strict about some things. Like one day a girl that TJ is friends with from our church came over. She had brought a CD over of secular music. I let the kids listen to some secular music as long as it isn't offensive, but this music was. Ed overheard it and came into their room and told them to turn it off. When the other girl asked why, he replied that we don't allow our kids to listen to that kind of music. I agreed with him wholeheartedly, but then later I found myself wondering if we did the right thing. It was just music after all. Another mom in the church has asked why I don't let TJ wear make-up yet, why I don't let the girls wear certain clothes. I feel that it's not appropriate for little girls to dress that way, but am I right in believing that? Or am I being judgmental of others? I wonder about these things a lot. It seems like the world is trying to encroach on us all the time. I try to shelter my kids from the world, from materialism, from all the filth and corruption that's out there, but it seems it creeps in anyway, just when and where I least expect it. Being a good parent seems to get harder as my kids get older! But once again this whole situation goes to show me that I should not rely on myself, or on others (even people I thought were good Christian influences), I must fully rely on God, in all things.