Forgiveness

I've really come to a crossroads with my church attendance, and I know it's time to make a choice. And really, the choice is already made--I love God and want to worship Him and fellowship with other believers, and I know the only way to do that right is to go to church. And it's sad that I even feel this way, because when I first started going it felt like such a privilege and such a joy. Now it feels like a hassle. Not the worshipping God part, not the singing, or the praying, but dealing with gossip, and attitudes, and self-righteous people who think they have the right to judge and question others. Yes, there is one person in particular who is sort of a problem, and I don't know how to handle the situation. But I guess part of the problem too, not just this situation, is the fact that I feel so disconnected with everyone at church. I feel like there's no one there that Ed and I really have much in common with. So many of the other couples are much older than us; I can only think of 3 who are near our age and the one couple seems to want nothing to do with us, the one is the people we sort of have the problem with (plus we just don't seem to have much in common with them), and the 3rd we were actually friends with but lately I've felt like they're judging us, asking all these questions about our finances and why Ed doesn't get a different job (even though we've explained that we need him to work someplace with flexible hours while I'm in school), and even questioning why I am bothering with school when our family needs money and I should just get a job. I think that the husband was a little bothered by me too, he thinks I'm too opinionated and not submissive enough...maybe he thought I would be a bad influence on his wife. I don't know. I just feel hurt and a little burned out. I feel like we've tried so hard to make friends, to fit in, to find areas in which to serve and we just keep getting backs turned on us. Like when we headed up the decorating for VBS and 2 people showed up to help--2 people! And I try not to hold grudges against people, but when stuff just keeps piling up and piling up I feel like I can only take so much.
The thing is, we don't know where else to go. This is the only church we've really gone to since we've been together, other than Morgandale which Ed refuses to go back to because so many people there still judge him for his past (and there were also some nasty things said about me for being a single mother). We had thought about going to Greg and Karen Mondok's church because we'd always liked them. We've also thought about going to Kathleen's church, feeling that maybe with a larger congregation we could blend in and not be talked about. The fact of the matter is though, I really don't want to leave the Newton Falls church. It's a wonderful place where I feel warm and comfortable and loved, where I feel that I really connect with God because I've felt His presence there so many times. We moved to Newton Falls partly to be closer to the church! There are some truly wonderful, loving, sincere people there, I would hate to let some stupid trivial problems ruin everything. It's sad that stuff like that even goes on among Christians. We're supposed to love eachother. We're not supposed to judge each other. When the adulteress was about to be stoned Jesus said let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone. None of us is without sin! And in a church family we're supposed to encourage one another and build one another up. We're also supposed to forgive, as God has forgiven all of us. And that is what I need to do. I need to put the hurt feelings aside and forgive. I need to put up with the uncomfortable questions and remarks and just let them roll off. People are always going to disapprove of us being poor, for being a little unconventional. Oh well. I love my life, this wonderful life that God has blessed me with. I am grateful to Him, and the least I can do is show up at His house on Sunday mornings to worship Him.